Unfamiliar

It’s been a long time since my last write up.

Drill Hall

I’m not really sure how to describe the weird void that the covid era created in my head but it has been difficult to shake off. Before, it was easy, a few year plan into the future, everything was relatively straightforward, but after the pandemic, an already difficult world, became even more puzzling.

Now I’m not talking big picture stuff, because I’m way too stupid to talk about those things. I just mean this on a personal level, and even that one is hard to describe.

I was going to talk about this in the context of work, how an industry i worked in was suddenly shown to be ridiculously unstable during the pandemic, but I think what i want to write about more is the feeling of the unfamiliar.

By now, after a few decades in this life, most of the time i’ve had was in the relative unknown. Not deep in the jungle wilderness of the charts type of unknown, but your day to day type of unknown. What to do, what path to choose, is this the right direction etc. As time goes by, this unfamiliarity that has dominated the time spent here for me, has become more and more pressing. The little respite that I’ve had from that feeling, the moments of warm stability and structure have been few and far between, and more often than not, voluntarily left behind.

Now this is beginning to feel like an intro to something that I’m not really sure I have the end to, no matter the body or the ending. I don’t know, maybe sometimes writing like this, just as the thoughts come into my head does me some good.

As a general idea, or a theme to this whole thing, I think im going to choose the unfamiliar. I realised recently, that it coins quite well the majority of the time I’ve had up till now, and it continues to define my reality now. So from now, the next few entries will be about the past, but only until I manage to catch up with the present. Maybe in some way this will be a way for me to come to terms with everything.

Let’s see.

L.